


Satin Sheets

by clover71



Series: Map of the Future [1]
Category: Kiniro no Corda | La Corda d'Oro
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Mpreg, Sharing a Bed, Trope Bingo Amnesty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-01
Updated: 2017-08-18
Packaged: 2018-09-27 15:38:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10028786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clover71/pseuds/clover71
Summary: After Len and Kahoko breaks up, Ryotarou comes crashing into Len's life and turns Len's world around in the least ways he expects.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> \- Written for Trope Bingo Amnesty Round, particularly for my round 6 square prompt 'sharing a bed'  
> \- This is one of the many prequels of ['Paper Houses'](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6560845/chapters/15009970), and this is particularly the first part if based on the fic's timeline  
> \- This story doesn't follow either the manga or anime or game canon, thus, I'm calling it canon divergent.  
> \- Not asking for critique since I'm just writing this for myself due to the scarcity of RyoLen fics, but you may leave a review/comment if you wish
> 
>  **Disclaimer:** I do not own Kiniro no Corda/La Corda d'Oro and its characters. Copyright remains with the game developer Koei, the creator Yuki Kure, the anime studio Yumeta and its licensing companies.
> 
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> 

  


It is a mutual decision. Music has always been his priority and going to Vienna has been a part of his future plans ever since middle school. Len has made his choice.

Kahoko claims she understands and agrees that a long-distance relationship might not even work.

So they decide to put an end on their relationship. At least the romantic part of it. If ever there had been one. 

 

*

 

The break-up seems to be the trigger of a series of unnecessary reactions from their common friends and Len just doesn't get why everyone acts like the apocalypse is upon him. 

It's barely been a year since he and Kahoko have started dating so settling back to just being friends isn't much of a big deal – at least not for him. 

Despite his efforts of telling his friends that he has no need of any form of consolation, Ryotarou still shows up late at night with several cans of chuhai, explaining that "I asked Kanazawa-sensei to get it for me with a promise to be responsible," when Len arches an eyebrow in question. "Besides, it's only eight percent alcohol, so…."

So they do drink it – or at least, Ryotarou does, while Len takes only a sip for every can that the pianist consumes in moderation – and they talk about their lives and plans for the future and music and how Ryotarou thinks that perhaps Len and Kahoko aren't destined to be together.

Ironically, Len acquiesces.

 

*

 

"So my mother asked where I've been hanging around often lately and I told her at your place. Now she wants to meet you and she's inviting you over for dinner," Ryotarou says, rubbing the back of his neck with one hand, the other tucked inside his pant pocket with his fingers crossed. 

Len stares at him with apathy and he takes this as a clear sign that he will be turning down the offer with either a snide remark or a pathetic excuse. 

So when Len says, "Sure. When?" Ryotarou almost metaphorically trips on his own feet and he can't help but gape at the other, totally dumbstruck.

Unable to hold back incredulity, he practically squawks out, "Seriously?" 

The folds on the skin between Len's eyebrows deepen when he utters, "I did say sure, didn't I?" 

Ryotarou clears his throat while trying to collect his thoughts. "Yeah. Right. So, Friday? We can go straight to our house after school."

"That's fine with me," Len says with a shrug.

 

*

 

The week seems to crawl at a snail's pace, to Ryotarou's chagrin. But when Friday suddenly jumps right in front of him, he wishes time would've gone slower. Anxiety starts to spawn butterflies in his stomach – like literally. 

Whatever psychological shit he's going through must have started showing on his face because Sasaki says, "You look like you're about to be beheaded. Is there something wrong?"

His poorly executed lie of "nothing, nothing's wrong," just drives Sasaki even more curious and doesn't stop pestering him even during soccer practice. 

"Wait. Please don't tell me that you're taking advantage of Hino and Tsukimori-kun's break up and is seeing Hino now," Sasaki says after Ryotarou dissuades him for the umpteenth time.

"What? No. Of course not," he says, appalled. "That's low blow, man. You do know they're both my friends."

Sasaki says, "Yeah. Sure," with an immense amount of skepticism leaking through every word.

Near the end of practice, Ryotarou spies Len promenading along the side of the soccer field. But he's ripped away from the momentary distraction when something particularly hard hits him on the face. The impact causes him to fall and as soon as his butt meets the ground, he catches sight of the soccer ball bouncing away from him through his visual periphery. 

A chorus of "Tsuchiura!" and "Ryo!" reverberates around him. He can see Len with one foot on the field, as if deliberating whether to approach him or stay where he is. 

Ryotarou's teammates soon swarm around him. His coach bends over to examine him closely then says, "You okay?" to which he nods in response. "You should know better than to take your eyes off the ball."

It's Sasaki who pulls him up while laughing softly. "Gheez, Tsuchiura. I never would have thought that it's actually Tsukimori who got you all wound up."

"Huh?" is the immediate reaction that his perplexed brain can come up with.

Sasaki shakes his head and pushes him to the direction where Len's waiting, saying, "Just go already. Practice is almost over anyway and he's been waiting there for almost half an hour."

As soon as he reaches the violinist, Len says, "That blow looks painful. Aren't you going to see the school nurse?"

"Nah." Ryotarou throws an arm over Len's shoulder, expecting to be shoved away but Len doesn't do anything more than stiffen for a moment. "I've gone through worse. I'll just change then we can head home." 

 

*

 

In retrospect, Len normally takes anything non-consequential to his growth as a person and as a musician in stride. But then Ryotarou comes like a calamity that disrupts his balance and he finds himself on edge half the time. 

The dinner with Ryotarou's family is supposed to be casual, not as nerve-wracking as it turns out to be that keeping a calm façade is a Herculean task on its own. He's not even sure why he's accepted the invitation, just that the impulse to acquiesce has worked faster than his ability to think rationally. 

Nonetheless, he finds the Tsuchiura couple warm and affable that he can't help but feel right at home, so much that he finds himself returning a week later until dinner at Tsuchiura's every Friday becomes somewhat a routine.

Len gets more comfortable around Ryotarou until the pianist-slash-soccer player's younger brother blurts out, "So are you two dating? It's just that Ryo-nii wouldn't stop talking about you, you know," on his third visit at their place. He's too baffled at the unexpected remark that he's rendered speechless, face burning as if on fire. 

 

*

 

One month. Len gives it a month until Ryotarou gets tired of playing the friend game and everything will go back to how antagonistic they used to be. 

Apparently, his instincts prove to be wrong when Ryotarou sticks to him like glue, even invites him to their soccer practice match against some school visiting from another prefecture. 

"Please come. I need some inspiration," is what Ryotarou says that has Len conceding and four days later, he's sitting on the bleachers without knowing what to expect. He has zero knowledge in this sport.

Kahoko shows up with her two friends whose names escape him just before the game starts. "I didn't know you're a soccer fan," she says when she claims the seat next to his without asking if it's taken. The two other girls settle on Kahoko's other side without uttering a word.

"I'm not," Len says. "Tsuchiura insisted that I come." 

"Oh?" She tilts her head to peer at him, her lips curved up teasingly. "I heard you two have grown close." 

"Not really," is all he says before the sound of a whistle cuts through the air and the game starts. 

Len detaches from Kahoko's presence and instead focuses on Ryotarou whilst not having a single clue on what's happening. He finds himself fist-pumping though every time Ryotarou sends the ball into the goal or whatever it's called. He doesn't miss the numerous times Ryotarou glances his way, and probably spots Kahoko beside him at that one time Ryotarou frowns.

Their school team wins and Len waits until most of the crowd – Kahoko and her friends included – has poured out of the stadium before getting on his feet. He's close to the entrance that players use when he spots Kahoko throwing her arm over Ryotarou. There's a momentary sharp twinge in his chest that Len dismisses as heartburn – probably because he missed breakfast that morning. 

Ryotarou meets him halfway, says, "Told you you're my lucky charm," while nudging him playfully with his elbow. "Let me just hit the shower then we'll go out to celebrate, what do you say?" 

"Aren't you celebrating with your teammates?" Len isn't sure why Ryotarou is asking him, not Kahoko or his friend from the team. 

"Nah. It's just a practice match so it's to-each-his-own." 

They had burgers, something Len rarely indulges in, and then migrates to his house like usual where they end up watching his parents' concerts filmed during their recent tour in Europe. Ryotarou looks so bone-tired that he spends the night at Len's place, slumped like a log on the couch. 

Len calls Ryotarou's mother to let her know that her idiotic son is safe. Then he escapes to his room to seek solace on his violin, playing whatever tune that comes to mind and gradually weaves something original, something Len decides to call _'Aubade for Ryo.'_

 

*

 

When Ryotarou hears that Len has gotten a letter from the school in Vienna, he feels something break inside him. So he confronts Len, who tells him, "Yes, it's true, my application for admission has been approved. I leave for Vienna at the end of August," and Ryotarou feels his heart sink down to his stomach.

This is something he should've expected. Besides, isn't this the reason why Len and Kahoko broke up in the first place? He's not exactly hoping Len will change his mind but.

Hihara hears about it and insists they have some sort of summer getaway and reunion since Yunoki will be back in Japan some time mid-August. Len offers to use their vacation home in Lake Kawaguchi.

Summer break rolls in and soon, they're piling into the Tsukimori cottage. Déjà vu hits Ryotarou when he and Len end up sharing a room. And a bed. 

Ryotarou dives on top of the mattress then rolls on his side, propping up on his elbow while watching Len slide a pile of shirts in the drawer. "You sure you can tolerate me this time, Tsukimori?" he teases and Len throws him a deathly glare that lasts for barely five seconds before his eyes soften. 

"Call me Len," he says, the corners of his mouth curling up and the sight makes Ryotarou's heart swell.

"Only if you call me Ryo," he throws back and _damn,_ why does he have this sudden urge to kiss the violinist? 

Once they have finished unpacking, Hihara coaxes everyone to participate in some sort of water polo match at the lake. 

Something in Ryotarou's nether region stirs the moment he sees Len pull his shirt over his head. This is, come to think of it, the first time Ryotarou sees Len shirtless and it's distracting as hell, proven by the countless times Ryotarou's been hit by the ball on the head.

As always, Yunoki's the one to notice, but is considerate enough to say, "I'm not gonna ask." 

Ryotarou collides against the brick wall of reality though when, while preparing dinner, Yunoki sidles next to him in the kitchen and says , "But he's leaving in two weeks, will probably be gone for a long time, or forever. What do you plan to do?"

He merely shrugs, despite the melancholy unfurling in his chest.

The weight of despair doesn't leave him even until late that night, when Len's lying on his side facing the wall while he's staring at the ceiling, one arm behind his head. 

"Tsukimori?" he says and receives a muttered "hmm?" in response. "When you're already in Vienna… Promise you won't forget me, okay?"

 

*

 

Maybe he's trying to elude the inevitable, that's why he's up before the crack of dawn and goes off jogging before any of his friends rouse. 

It's Len he first sees when he returns, standing precariously on a stool and trying to reach for the overhead kitchen cabinet.

Ryotarou makes the mistake of startling him when he asks, "What are you doing?" that Len loses his balance when he jerks around. Thankfully, Ryotarou has quick reflexes so he manages to catch the violinist before he hits the floor.

They stare at each other, frozen, faces too close and Ryotarou's head spins from the proximity – from being able to breathe in Len's scent.

Only when someone breezes into the kitchen – Kaji apparently – and asks, "What's for breakfast?" did Ryotarou stir and he helps Len get to his feet.

Ryotarou deduces there's no escaping Len, not only because they share a room, but the other's presence is undeniably constant in his life.

On their last night, the reality of Len's departure coming close revisits him and he can't shake away the feeling of dejection so Ryotarou decides to run, hoping to burn it out of his system. 

A fluid transition of emotive notes spun from the violin's strings is what greets him when he sneaks back into their room. Len seems to be absorbed in the piece he's playing that he doesn't notice Ryotarou even as he tiptoes behind the violinist to take a peek at the sheet music resting on the stand. 

Ryotarou blinks twice when he sees his name on the piece's title just as Len brings the sonata to a close. "You composed this for me?" he says, snatching the paper before Len's hand can stop him. 

Len tucks his violin gingerly back in its case then tries to steal the sheet music back but Ryotarou keeps it out of his reach. So they begin to prance around the room until the back of Ryotarou's leg bumps against the bed and he falls over the mattress, bringing Len with him. This briefly reminds him of a similar scenario with Kahoko and Hihara in the past. 

Their breaths mingle, gazes locked and Ryotarou can hear his heartbeat picking up pace. He doesn't know what possesses him to stroke Len's cheek with the back of his fingers, to curl his hand over the back of Len's neck and pull him close. But the urge to kiss Len is too strong to resist that Ryotarou throws caution to the wind and captures Len's mouth with his. 

The kiss deepens when Len starts responding. 

They don't talk about it afterwards and things become awkward between them the next morning.

Len seems to be keen in avoiding him for the next two weeks. 

On the day Len is scheduled to leave for Vienna, Ryotarou braves to see him. But he's always been pretty bad in saying good-bye so he just stands across the street and watch Len slide into the car, watches the vehicle disappear into the distance.

 

*

tbc

  



	2. Chapter 2

  


To his chagrin and, ironically, to his relief as well, his mother's connections and influence have helped Len in getting a room – or more like an apartment – of his own at the school's residential building – no roommates whatsoever. He spends his first four hours in Vienna unpacking and is now digging through the last box where his violin rests. 

On top of the violin case sits a scrapbook – a farewell gift from Hihara and Yunoki. Len hasn't had a chance to leaf through it since he was in the process of packing the few remaining things he has planned to bring along when Hihara came by his house yesterday. 

A quick turn of the pages reveals that it's filled with photos of him and his friends taken at Lake Kawaguchi two weeks ago. When his eyes land on a picture of him and Ryotarou, he feels the sudden twinge in his heart.

Len hasn't spoken with his friend since their last night at the cottage… since Ryotarou kissed him. If he were to be honest, the kiss didn't bother him. What he found baffling back then was how his body actually craved for more. 

The gray cloud of disappointment had hovered over him when he didn't hear from Ryotarou days after. 

And when he spotted Ryotarou across the street just as he was leaving for Vienna, elation and dejection have waged war inside him, so lost in the conflict that Len had ended up ignoring the pianist.

Len pushes all that at the back of his mind. That's all part of the past now. He's here to start a new chapter of his life. He should be gazing ahead, not looking back.

 

*

 

Third day of classes and Len already feels like crumbling. The sound he creates from his violin can hardly be called music, more like nails on a chalkboard, or close to that.

His teacher says, "Len, try clearing your mind and let the music flow through you," with a hint of constrained patience.

Len supposes that she's trying real hard to keep professionalism in line when he spies her masking a frown after Len's fingers fail to take control of the strings once more. 

She allows him to stay in the music room after class, lucky enough that this is the last for the day. Len isn't in the mood to fight tooth and nail for a slot in the rehearsal rooms anyway. And disturbing his neighbors in the residential building isn't on top of his to-do-list during his first week.

After having mentally shaken off the negative energy that's been clinging to him all day, Len poises to play and the music he has composed recently starts spiraling from the strings. 

As soon as he's done with the piece, someone says, "Now there's the Tsukimori Len I was expecting to hear," and he whirls around to find his teacher leaning against the doorframe. "Forgive me. I didn't mean to eavesdrop, sort of. But your music is so hauntingly beautiful I was drawn to take a peek. Did you compose it?"

Len nods, saying, "I did," and hopes the conversation stops there. But it doesn’t. 

"It's tender and romantic but the last verse seems heartbreaking, like the melody is falling apart," his teacher says, eyes wandering around the room as if she's reading invisible notes floating through the air before meeting his gaze. "It's as if you've parted with your muse for the piece."

Len gapes at his teacher, feeling like he's been doused with cold water. He's totally thrown off-balance as he wonders how she's able to read his music with eccentric clarity.

She offers him a smile when she says, "I hope you find your muse again, Len. Maybe then you can add another verse to that piece that sings of a happy ending."

 

*

 

It's a week after Len leaves, on a Friday in particular, that Ryotarou finds himself standing outside the gate of the Tsukimori residence. He's not sure why his feet has led him here, not even sure if anyone's home, but he doesn't move for a good five minutes until Len's mother come strolling out the front door.

"Ryo-chan?" she says, the bafflement in her voice apparent. "What are you doing standing out there? Why don't you come in?"

"I uh…." He rummages through his head for a simple prevarication that won't make him seem like a creepy stalker but he's still feeling a little thrown off for having been caught so he ends up saying, "I was just passing by," which was an obvious lie because… well, because he lives at the opposite side of the district and Len's mother knows it.

"Of course," is all Misa says then beckons him inside with a wave of her hand. "I was just about to have tea and I could sure use some company. Please join me?"

It will seem impolite to decline so Ryotarou drags himself after Len's mom, trying to ignore the remaining traces of Len that still lingers around the house. 

"So how's Len?" he asks, finally, after accepting the cup of steaming beverage Misa has offered. 

"He says he's fine," Misa says with a shrug then she takes a careful sip of her tea before setting her cup down on the table. "He doesn't really tell me much so I can't help but worry." 

Hearing that from her bothers Ryotarou tenfolds that he has a sudden urge to call Len so he asks, "Does he still use the same phone number?"

Misa nods, says, "He does," then beams at him as if he just said the magic word. "I hope you can call him. I'm sure Len would love to hear from you."

_You wouldn't be saying that if you knew what happened between us,_ was that thought that floated in his head. 

Len's mother keeps him entertained with tales of her performances abroad and stories of Len growing up that when he leaves a couple of hours later, he feels he knows Len more than he should.

That night, he stares at his phone, Len's contact number on display, his thumb hovering on the call button, but he doesn't call Len. 

 

*

 

Leaves crunch beneath his feet as he takes one leaden step after another in his desperate attempt to reach the school's main gate but the walkway seems to stretch farther and farther. His eyes are fixed ahead while his mind is drifting somewhere in Vienna. 

A sharp blow against the back of his head hurls him out of his reverie. Ryotarou roars in pain, his hand flying over the battered spot as he pivots around to face his assailant, ready to send his fist into the bastard's face, but his vengeful intent is curbed when he meets Kahoko's challenging glare.

"That hurts, you know," flies out of his mouth in a high-pitched whine before he realizes he sounds like a petulant child.

Kahoko folds her arms over her chests, says, "Serves you right for spacing out," and narrows her eyes before adding, "Which, I've noticed, you've been doing quite a lot lately. Does this, by any chance, have anything to do with Len-kun?"

Hearing Len's name uttered out loud feels like a hard slap against his cheek. "Whoa, wait. How did Tsukimori enter the picture?"

"Because I can tell how much you miss him. It's practically written all over your face." Kahoko's remark is like a proverbial iron wall that he collides against. "And I know he misses you too, though he's too stubborn to admit it. Why don't you call him?"

A defensive retort of _Why should I?_ balances on the tip of his tongue but Ryotarou ends up saying, "What makes you think I don't?" instead.

Kahoko raises an eyebrow and pins him with a scrutinizing stare. "I've talked to him the other day. He says you two haven't spoken since you've gotten back from that impromptu summer trip with the other guys before he left for Vienna."

Right. It's clear that denial is futile so he whips up a pathetic lie in his head and says, "I've just been busy with a lot of things," which sounds even more pathetic when uttered. "And I was worried I might be a bother when Tsukimori is most likely going through an adjustment phase."

Kahoko doesn't look convinced. One corner of her mouth twitches while she studies him mutely as if she's trying to pick his brain. Then her shoulders rise and fall as she heaves a sigh. "Just try to call him," she says with a genial pat on his arm. "And sooner, okay? Not later," are her parting words before she joins Mio and Nao who are waiting by the school gate.

Ryotarou spots the familiar car easing along the pavement the moment he walks out of the school and just as he's wondering what Len's parents are doing there, the car window slides down and Misa casts him a genial smile. "Ryo-chan! Sorry to come unannounced. But will you be able to join us for dinner? There's something we need to discuss with you."

A thousand reasons for the Tsukimori couple's sudden visit flood his mind with the thought of Len and the kiss they shared being on the surface. Ryotarou's stomach sinks down to his feet.

 

*

 

The doorbell buzzes and his phone rings simultaneously, disrupting his peaceful Thursday. Len foregoes answering the call and decides to see who his unexpected visitor is first. 

Surprise will be an understatement if he is to define his reaction upon seeing Tsuchiura Ryotarou standing at the hallway with a luggage by his feet. 

"Hey," his estranged friend says so familiarly as if they haven't lost touch in ages. "By the look you're giving me, I presume your mother hasn't called?"

"No." Len blinks, easing out of his stupor. "No, she hasn't. What are you doing here, Tsuchiura?"

"So we're back on last name basis?" Ryotarou says with an inflection that makes it sound more like an inquiry rather than a statement, the genuine smile he's wearing turns wistful. "Aren't you at least going to let me in?"

"Of course." Len steps aside and tries not to stare at Ryotarou's back when he glides into his living space. "Have a seat," Len says, gesturing at the couch. His phone's ringing tone goes off once more and Len snatches the gadget before the caller is thrown to his voice mail. 

"Len." His mother's voice shoots out through the earpiece with masked urgency. She doesn't beat around the bush, to Len's relief, just offers a quick explanation why Ryotarou is sitting on his two-seater scatter back sofa. "I hope you don't mind him staying with you," she says and without giving Len a chance to retort, she adds, "It's just for four days. Just until the charity concert is over. Besides, you're on school break, so with Ryo-chan there you'll be less bored, ne?"

As if Len has a choice.

"You're sleeping on the couch," Len tells Ryotarou later that night, tossing him a pillow and a blanket. 

"What? We're not sharing your bed?" Ryotarou is obviously teasing, but nonetheless, Len can't stamp down the heat rising on his cheeks.

Well. Ryotarou does end up sleeping on his bed – pertinacious as he is – but it's kind of nice because Len does miss the big oaf and having him around somehow helps bring Len out of his funk. And practicing with the pianist sparks up inspiration that Len's been struggling to find. 

They settle back into their friendship with little effort and Len is beginning to think that the brief intimacy they've shared at his family's Lake Kawaguchi house has already been pushed to the back of Ryotarou's mind. 

Until the night before the concert.

"You know," Ryotarou says just as they're done clearing the kitchen. He's been a bit subdued during dinner – less talkative than usual – so Len deduces that something sits heavy on his mind. "We've never really talked about that night… about the kiss."

The invisible fence around Len's comfort zone collapses and Len feels minutely vulnerable. He frantically seeks out any means of escape so when his phone rings, Len fishes it out of his pant pocket, checks the screen and never has he been so grateful for his mother's impeccable timing. "It's my mom. I need to take this," he says and makes a beeline to his room where he stays for the rest of the night.

 

*

 

Whether Ryotarou is miffed over Len's trivial game of evasion the night before, Len can't tell because his friend's prancing around his living space with a blissful smile etched on his face. 

Ryotarou goes through a peculiar transformation at noon time though, first becoming restless, finding things to do with his hands that Len's apartment becomes a victim of scrupulous sanitation as a result. Then he's poring through pages and pages of sheet music like he aims to memorize every piece created by every known composer in history.

When Ryotarou dumps the wok on the stove only an hour after they've had lunch and announces that he's going to cook, Len decides to put his foot down and says, "Tsuchiura, stop," while coaxing his friend to surrender the spatula he has trapped in his iron grip. "You're nervous, I get it. I'm nervous too."

"Nervous? I'm not nervous. What makes you think I'm…" The last word is enunciated rather unintelligibly that Len can only guess what it is. 

The pianist's anxiety dissipates by the time they have to leave for the charity concert and oddly enough, whatever mental breakdown he's gone through somehow produces an ironic result. Ryotarou's performance is truly exhilarating that it leaves Len and apparently the entire audience in awe. 

Unfortunately, the stress and pressure from performing seems to have triggered what Len refers to as an aftershock and Ryotarou probably thinks downing liquor is the best way to deal with it. "I love Vienna, man," he says, throwing an arm over Len's shoulder and Len wobbles against his weight for a moment. Len thinks that the legal drinking age in this country shouldn't only be based on age but on a person's maturity. Because seriously….

Len discovers later what a hypocrite he really is when his mother drops his ass and Ryotarou's in his apartment, both of them at different levels of inebriation. But he's still functioning like normal. Or at least that's what he wants to believe. 

Until Ryotarou looms behind him while he's preoccupied with the mindless task of preparing tea.

"You've been avoiding me," Ryotarou says with the slightest hint of slur, his breath pleasantly warm against the back of Len's neck. He still reeks of alcohol but the scent of Len's soap mixed with the natural masculine musk his body emits overpowers any traces of intoxication. "Len I…" Ryotarou exhales, rough lips grazing Len's skin. The touch sends a chain of stimulating frissons down Len's body. Ryotarou practically growls when he says, "Fuck, Len," before latching his mouth on the spot a little below Len's ear. 

Len is thinking he should push away, should put a stop to this, but just like that night at the Lake Kawaguchi cottage, he feels so powerless against Ryotarou. His body rules over his mind and Len surrenders to what his body craves, allowing Ryotarou's lips to travel from his neck, along his jaws and to claim his own slightly parted ones. 

 

*

 

There's a small voice from somewhere at the back of his head screaming at him, telling him to stop, but rationality fails to take control of his inebriated mind.

Too lost in the sensation of Len's mouth moving along with his, their tongues dancing, breaths mingling, Ryotarou falls deeper into the pit of desire.

His hand seems to move on its own accord, slipping under Len's shirt, fingers gliding along his firm, plane abdomen, tracing the curve of his ribs and chest, thumb stroking Len's nipple, coaxing a lewd, raspy moan from Len's throat.

"Fuck," escapes through his lips as soon as they part from Len's. Ryotarou realizes their groins are pressed together, their hips rocking and his cock painfully hard. He wants Len, there's no denying it now. And the fingers digging on his arm and on his back inevitably intensify his fervid urge. 

One point leads to another and he's soon guiding the cyan-haired beauty to the bedroom, their mouths crashing in a ravenous kiss between the frantic tasks of divesting their clothes.

Then they're on the bed, pawing at each other but Ryotarou pauses long enough to ask, "Len. Is this okay?" because despite his head functioning mostly on alcohol, Ryotarou is still in his right mind to check if he and Len are on the same page.

When Len nods, Ryotarou practically rips his underwear off but is gentle when sliding Len's boxer briefs down his thighs. He loses what little self-control he has left when he starts grinding his cock against Len's erection and _fuck! Fuck!_

Too far gone to even stop, Ryotarou grabs anything that his intoxicated mind deems a credible substitute for a lube, prepares Len in what his clouded consciousness considers gentle and then he's sliding into Len, claiming him, violating him, marking him, fucking him until orgasm hits hard and torrid that Ryotarou can feel every inch of his body trembling with his release.

And Len. He can feel Len's about to come, muscles constricting around Ryotarou's dick, fingernails sinking into his skin, head thrown back, lips parted and never has Ryotarou seen him looking absolutely, ethereally beautiful.

 

*

 

When Ryotarou stirs awake, Len's no longer at his side, sunlight is trying to pierce through the closed blinds and his phone tells him that it's fifteen past eight in the morning. 

This means he needs to leave in 3 hours so he will have enough time to go through the meticulous process involved in getting on a plane that will take him back to Japan.

Then explicit memories of the night they shared decide to sneak into his brain. _Fuck!_

Ryotarou springs out of the bed with the resolute intent to talk to Len but he finds the violinist with one foot out the door. 

"I," Len says, eyes fixed on the floor. "I have some things to do at school. So I probably won't be around by the time you leave."

"Wait, Len. We need to talk," is what shoots out of Ryotarou's mouth in a desperate attempt to stop the man from leaving. 

But Len's is shaking his head, saying, "I can't do this, Tsuchiura. I just… I can't. I'm sorry." Then he's out the door so fast as if he's being chased by his own ghosts. It's clear that Len's running away and Ryotarou is doing the same thing he shouldn't: Taking a step back and allowing his friend-turned-lover to put a distance between them.

So Ryotarou packs up and leaves, locking the door behind him as if he's metaphorically locking away the possibility of starting a relationship with Len in a page of their history.

But even as he's back in Japan, the distance doesn't help him push Len out of his mind. He gives it a week. Just a week. Then Ryotarou tries calling Len, but his call is being thrown straight to an automated voice telling him that the number doesn't exist. He tries calling Misa, but cannot find the courage to press the call button, her number fading along with his phone's screen light.

Strangely though, Misa doesn't call him either. She did occasionally all those months ago. Before the charity concert. Before _that_ happened. 

When school resumes a week later, Ryotarou is sucked back into the reality of mountain loads of school work and the pressures of college preparation that he's left with no choice but to leave Len on the back burner for a while.

 

*

tbc

  



	3. Chapter 3

  


It feels like he's been away for more than a decade when in reality, only a year and some months have passed since he left Japan. Len's still not sure if coming back during his winter break is a good idea, but there's nowhere he'd rather be right now.

His qualms about being home intensify when his mother saunters into his room and announces, "I invited Ryo over for dinner. It will be ready in half an hour," then walks out without giving Len a chance to speak. 

For the next half hour, he debates whether to make up some spontaneous excuse why he can't join everyone at the dinner table but he throws in the towel eventually and ends up panicking over what to wear.

Ryotarou has gotten more handsome than the last time he saw him and Len is momentarily appalled at the idea of considering his friend – or former friend, maybe – attractive no less. 

The pianist avoids meeting his eyes throughout dinner though, only speaks to his parents and pretends to stare at his plate whenever the conversation focuses on Len. 

The painful twist in his chest is a reaction Len doesn't expect. Normally, he takes things in stride so he doesn't know why Ryotarou's aloofness is disrupting his equanimity and it makes breathing steadily a Herculean task.

After dinner, his father spouts out some lame excuse of needing to make a few calls while his mother subtly suggests, "Why don't you boys head out to the balcony to get some air while I make a pot of tea?" with a sweet, sugary smile that makes Len's hackles rise.

Not having enough energy to protest, Len concedes and apparently, Ryotarou doesn't concoct any radical reason to escape. 

The air carries with it a comfortable winter chill but it's not enough to numb Len's nerves. He feels like he's literally trembling inside. When Ryotarou says, "So how's life in Vienna?" so casually as if the tension that has grown thick for the past hour doesn't exist, something inside Len snaps.

Len steels himself, faces Ryotarou with an unwavering gaze and says, "Don't pretend we haven't stopped speaking to each other, Tsuchiura—"

"And whose fault is that?" Ryotarou throws back on his face. "Really, Tsukimori. You changed your number and gave your mother specific instruction not to disclose any of your new contact information. How else did you expect me to keep in touch?"

Ryotarou's words feel like a hard slap across his face. It's true Len's the one who has built a fortified wall between them, only because he's taken the necessary step back to reevaluate their actions. "It was a mistake," slips out almost inaudibly. Clearly, the filter between his brain and his mouth isn't working but there's no stopping now. "What we did back then, in Vienna. It was a mistake. We're… we're both guys."

"Bull shit, Tsukimori." Ryotarou grabs Len by the shoulders and captures Len's mouth in a searing kiss. Taken aback, Len fails to move a muscle and just as he's about to shove Ryotarou away, Ryotarou rips his lips off of Len's and says, "Now tell me if that still feels like a mistake."

Len's lips tingle, his limbs turning liquid, his whole body becoming petrified. It's the same familiar feeling that has overwhelmed him the first night they shared a kiss, the same sensations that took control of his entire being when he and Ryotarou shared a passionate night a year ago in Vienna. It scares him to the utmost degree.

"Leave," is the only coherent words that Len's able to utter. When Ryotarou opens his mouth – perhaps to dissent – Len simply reiterates, "Leave. Now. Please."

Ryotarou backs away, every step hesitant, then disappears into the house, presumably to bid Len's parents goodnight. 

 

*

 

Having breakfast together isn't exactly a family tradition so when his mother requests that he joins her at the table, Len can't help but think that she has something up her sleeves. 

His mother remains silent the entire time though, so Len thinks maybe she really just wants his company. Once they're done, Len makes a move to leave only to still halfway out of his chair when his mother says, "I heard you and Ryo-chan at the balcony last night." 

Len sinks back down, stares at his mother for a moment then asks, "Heard us?"

"I wasn't eavesdropping. I was supposed to let you boys know that the tea was almost ready, but…" Her momentary silence tells him how much she has heard. And seen. "How do you feel about him, Len? And be honest."

This is the same question he's been asking himself, has kept him up all night. Apparently, he hasn't found the answer so all he can tell his mother is, "I don't know." 

"Len…" his mother starts with an expression that coaxes him to blurt out the thought floating on the surface of his mind.

"I feel… I don't know… empty when he's not around. Can't stand him when he is. Only because I feel like my head spins uncontrollably and my heart beats rapidly whenever I'm with him. But." Len sucks in a breath. He never imagined himself pouring all these confounding feelings out in front of his mother. "I don't know. I don't really know how I feel." 

His mother's lips curve up in a consoling smile. She rests a hand on his shoulder, stroking him while she says, "Oh Len. You sound like you're in love."

Everything around him bursts into a blinding radiance that sheds light to every single emotion he's been harboring for the pianist and hasn't found a name for. 

"In love?" he says thoughtfully. "But we're both… we're both guys."

The smile resting on his mother's lips turns sympathetic. "You can't exactly help who your heart chooses, Len."

Len can't believe how calm his mother is in digesting this newfound side of him. "Are you saying you wouldn't mind if Tsuchi—Ryo… Ryo and I become a couple?"

His mother nods. "If he makes you happy, then I can live with that."

"What about Dad?" Len knows his father is more broad-minded than his mother, but his need to hear how his father will react has driven him to ask.

"Actually. He's the one who encouraged me to talk to you about it." His mother's hand covers his own, giving him a light, encouraging squeeze. "Talk to Ryo, Len. Don't run away from all this. You might regret it in the end."

 

*

 

The melody that floats from the piano is fierce and rigid but Ryotarou doesn't particularly care about the dissonance he's creating. The lack of finesse in the way his fingers skip across ebony and ivory keys probably reflects his discombobulated thoughts and feelings that are currently having a war in his head.

Regardless of how absorbed he is in the piece he's playing, Ryotarou doesn't miss the sound of door chime and is hyperaware of Len emerging from behind the shelves. But that doesn't stop Ryotarou from assaulting the piano, with a little more force this time. 

Old man Minami clears his throat, prompting Ryotarou to stop playing and regard the man who is staring at him with a disapproving frown. "Do you boys mind watching the shop? I need to run some errands for a couple of clients."

"Yeah," Ryotarou says perfunctorily and once Minami is out the door, he clears his throat, shifts his gaze over to Len and while trying to remain impassive, he asks, "So which piece would you like to practice first?" presuming that Len is there to rehearse. Ryotarou did send Misa a text message informing her where Len can find him that day.

When the current director of Seiso Academy has heard that Len is home from Vienna, he immediately contacts them, requesting that he and Len perform a duet at the upcoming Yokohama Music Festival. Declining wasn't even an option.

"Excuse me?" Len sets his violin case on a chair nearby.

"Which piece would you like to practice first?" Ryotarou reiterates. "For the music festival? I was the told we'll be playing three. For the duet."

"Oh." Len unravels the light blue scarf from around his neck and hangs it over the top rail of the chair's back. "We can do Ravel Tzigane first. The shorter version," he says while taking his violin out of its case.

_That's a rather intense piece to start with,_ Ryotarou thinks but doesn’t say anything, just spreads out the music sheet in front of him then follows Len's lead since the piece starts with practically a minute of violin solo. He's forced to watch Len while waiting for his cue, watch the way his arms move fluidly, notice how Len's cyan eyelashes fan out just above his cheeks as he keeps his eyes closed.

Ryotarou is nudged out of his momentary stupor when Len's eyes snap open, warning him that the piano part is close. 

After they're done rehearsing all three pieces, Len starts packing up to leave.

"Stay. Please," shoots out of Ryotarou's mouth before he can swallow the words back.

Len zips his violin case close then straightens up and pivots around to face Ryotarou with furrowed brows. "Why?"

"I just want to talk," Ryotarou says in almost a whisper.

"What is there to talk about?" Len crosses his arms, a mask of defiance falling over his face. "What do you want from me, Ryo?"

The fact that Len has used his nickname doesn't go unnoticed and it's enough to make Ryotarou's heart flutter with hope and gives him courage to say, "I want you, Len. I want to be with you, breathe the same air you do."

"Why?" Len's arms fall on his sides, no longer using them as a shield and Ryotarou takes that as an invitation to come closer and bridge the distance.

When close enough, Ryotarou hooks a finger under Len's chin to keep him from averting his gaze then he glides a thumb across Len's lower lip, says, "I'm in love with you, Tsukimori Len," and fuses their mouths together before Len can utter a word.

The telltale sound of the door opening forces Ryotarou to take a step back. Minami soon appears with a timid smile. "Sorry boys, that took rather long."

"It's okay." Ryotarou thanks the old man for letting them practice in his store. When they step out into the cool afternoon air, Ryotarou entwines his fingers with Len's, glad that the cyan-haired man doesn't flinch away. "Want to grab some hot cocoa at the café?"

"Sure." Len flashes him one of his rarest smile that causes something warm to bloom in Ryotarou's chest. 

 

*

 

Third day of practice and they've pretty much perfected their harmony. They're at Len's place. Alone. Len's parents are in Tokyo while his grandparents are in Kyoto. 

Ryotarou's hoping to take a break. Two hours of playing the piano can sure put a strain on his fingers. But Len wants to practice more. "Just the Tchaikovsky and we're done," he says with unwavering determination.

"You're becoming quite a bossy boyfriend, you know," Ryotarou says in jest and he's rewarded by a shade of crimson spreading over Len's face. While he plays the introduction for Tchaikovsky Melodie, Ryotarou enounces, "Did you hear the recent announcement about same-sex marriage being legal now in Yokohama and some parts of Kanagawa, as well as Kyoto, Osaka and Nagoya?"

The skin between Len's eyebrow creases. "Why are you telling me?"

Ryotarou doesn't really know what possessed him to bring it up so he shrugs and says, "You'll never know."

When Len moves toward his bedroom with a clipped excuse of keeping his violin after declaring that they're done for the day, Ryotarou trails after him. Len regards him with a raised eyebrow, says, "I don't recall inviting you in my room," after Ryotarou shuts the door behind him. 

"I'm your boyfriend. Do I really need an invitation?" Ryotarou says as he approaches Len – one calculated step after another. "I was hoping we can unwind after hours of practice." He brushes his lips against Len and can almost feel the other man tremble with need. Teasingly, he licks Len's lips and when they part, he plunges his tongue into the warmth of Len's mouth while his fingers undo the buttons of Len's shirt. 

It doesn't take long before he's pushing Len on the bed then ripping his own shirt and pants off, ridding Len of his clothes and planting kisses all over Len's body. Then he touches the tip of Len's cock with his tongue, tentatively, experimentally, getting familiar with the new taste, before swallowing the hardening shaft inch by inch, sucking it deeper into his mouth. The lewd sounds slipping past Len's lips are music to his ears.

 

*

 

The first duet he and Ryotarou perform earns a resounding applause from the audience. As soon as they're done playing the last piece, Wieniawski Polonaise Brillante Number 1 Opus 4, everyone seems to be on their feet and Len feels his chest is about to explode. 

From childhood, Len has been nothing but a perfectionist and never has he felt such satisfaction from performing as he does today, regardless of knowing that their performances has it's smallest flaws. It's a feeling so different from the time Hino Kahoko has taught him to enjoy creating music. Playing with Ryotarou brings him to an exhilarating level of experience.

After the music festival comes to a close, they're obligated to attend the post-festival party. While Len is stuck listening to a dull discussion about the history of Seiso Academy, Ryotarou comes to his rescue and steals him away from Kira Akihiko and Kanazawa Hiroto.

"Guess what?" Ryotarou says once they're presumably out of everyone's earshot. Len only raises an eyebrow in question and watches Ryotarou fish out an envelope from the inside pocket of his jacket. "Someone has given us a gift certificate for an overnight stay at the Yokohama Bay Hotel, all expenses paid."

"Us?" Len just needs to clarify if he has heard it right and Ryotarou shows him the names written on the envelope. True enough, there's a gift certificate for one room inside. One. Room. "And who could the gracious benefactor be?" Len asks but he can pretty much sum up three guesses, although one of them won't be able to afford an all expense paid booking at a five-star hotel, so that leaves Yunoki, who has also performed at the music festival, and his mother, who seems to be deeply engaged in a conversation with the mayor at the moment and has been seemingly avoiding Len.

"I don't know," Ryotarou says with a shrug. One of the little girls from an ensemble handed it to me after the show, says it's from a fan."

"Yeah right." Len is so not in the mood to contemplate on the probable insinuation of this… 'gift' since he's been feeling rather feverish since that morning. He just agrees with Ryotarou when the olive-haired man suggests they use it that night. 

Taking advantage that they've brought some casual clothes because they did plan to change out of their suits after the festival, they head straight to the hotel. Only when they've checked in and are sliding into the room – with only one bed, Len notes – does Len realize that, "I didn't bring any sleep wear. Did you?"

Ryotarou leans close and practically purrs into his ear, saying, "Who needs sleep wear?" then wastes no time peeling Len's clothes off. 

Len's head is immediately clouded with lust that he finds no strength to resist Ryotarou's assault. He melts into Ryotarou's arms, his body burns under Ryotarou's touch and kisses, and he opens himself up as Ryotarou slides inside him, his dick filling him up. 

 

*

 

Len doesn't mind being alone at home, even on a holiday. But when Ryotarou's parents hear that his parents have been invited to perform in a concert in Singapore on New Year's Eve, they insist he spends the night at their place.

It's a bit awkward now, at least for him, since he's conscious about the fact he and Ryotarou are a couple and it's different than the times he's been at Tsuchiura's as Ryotarou's friend.

After having New Year's Eve meal, he and Ryotarou and Ryotarou's brother head over to the bay area to watch the fireworks at the Cosmoworld. Amidst the crowd and the darkness, he and Ryotarou hold hands as the countdown reaches zero and strings of bright, luminous light burst from the ground and fill the sky with vibrant colors.

It's almost an hour past midnight when they return and Ryotarou's parents have already turned in for the night.

As soon as Len slides on the bed beside Ryotarou, his boyfriend almost immediately slips his hand into Len's underwear and shorts, fingers curling around his cock. 

"Ryo," Len hisses. "Your parents are right across the hall."

"Then you best be quiet," is all Ryotarou says before covering his mouth and starts stroking his cock, those long, sturdy fingers driving him out of control.

Len can feel his boyfriend's hardness against his hips and that coaxes a moan to rise up his throat, but Ryotarou swallows it. This isn't enough, Len wants more and just the thought makes him shiver. 

Just as he starts humping against Ryotarou's hands, his boyfriend pulls back and hops off the bed then returns with a tube of lubricant and a couple of square packages which he spreads beside Len. "We've been neglecting using this," he says and plants a kiss on Len's cheek. "But I've always assumed you're clean and I'm sure I am, so I never thought of using protection." 

"What made you so sure I'm clean?" Len throws back on impulse. "What if I've been sleeping around for the past year?" He hasn't, of course, but he wants to see Ryotarou's reaction.

Something akin to shock settles on Ryotarou's face. "Have you?"

Len snorts, says, "Of course not, you idiot," then he regards the condoms and asks, "How long have you had these? You haven't exactly been using it on anyone else, have you?" The thought of Ryotarou being with someone else sends a sharp twinge in his chest 

"Don't start acting like a jealous boyfriend." Ryotarou climbs on top of him and tugs at the waistband of his shorts. "There is no one else. Just so you know, you were my first. I didn't even go all the way with Mizue." Hearing the name of Ryotarou's ex-girlfriend ignites the flame of jealousy inside him but it's quickly extinguished when Ryotarou claims his mouth once more and slowly pushes his shorts and underwear down.

Thoughts of past girlfriend and Tsuchiura's parents being nearby fly out the window when Len feels the slick, thick and familiar finger pushing past his entrance.

 

*

 

The gust of winter wind chases him into the house but Ryotarou quickly shuts the door to keep the chill out. 

With phone in hand, Ryotarou updates his calendar to mark the dates when most of his classes will resume. His eyes land on the square marked with a note that says 'Len returns to Vienna.' It's less than 2 weeks away.

Ryotarou makes a beeline for the stairs but stops when he hears his mother calling out his name. He follows her voice and finds his parents in the living room.

"Sit, son," his mother says, the tone of her voice triggers the alarm bells in his head. "There's something we need to ask you."

A hurricane starts to rage in his chest and his heart pounds against his ribcage. His gut twists with a particular inkling that he's somehow not surprised when his mother asks about the true nature of his relationship with Len.

Not wanting to keep Len as merely a dirty secret, he stomps down the urge to lie and blurts out, "Len and I are dating. As a couple."

There were a myriad of expression that flashes on his mother's face but his father keeps a stoic mask and walks out of the room. 

"Does… does this mean you're gay?" his mother asks, sounding utterly heartbroken and this sparks something from deep inside him that he's forced to switch to defensive mode.

"Is a label really necessary?" he spits out through gritted teeth. Even though he knows that the fact he's dating a guy and is sexually attractive to someone of the same gender clearly defines what he is, but Ryotarou refuses to throw in the towel and says, "I'm not attracted to any other guys, just Len, okay?" and storms out of the house.

His feet and livid thoughts lead him to Len's place hoping that being with Len is enough to pacify him. But after telling Len about the incident with his parents, Len mutters, "Maybe we're making a mistake. Maybe… maybe we are throwing our lives away."

The words are enough to set Ryotarou off to a whole new level of fury. "Are you saying you regret being with me?"

When Len doesn't respond, just stares at him with confusion brimming on the surface of his eyes, Ryotarou curses, "Fuck this!" and leaves with his head metaphorically on fire.

 

*

 

Never has he played Chopin Fantasie Impromptu in C-sharp minor, Opus 66 with mordant intensity. The piano keys feel like styropor underneath his fingers, fragile and close to breaking.

"Aren't you supposed to be in school?" Minami asks, his voice piercing through the strident noise he's creating.

Ryotarou's fingers sinks into the keys and he waits until the melody fades completely before speaking. "Most of my classes hasn't resumed yet." 

"Want to talk about whatever is bothering you?" Minami asks and when Ryotarou shakes his head, he adds, "Where is Tsukimori-kun? I haven't seen him around with you."

"We haven't spoken in four days." Ryotarou belatedly realizes what those words imply but whether Minami has caught on doesn't show on his face. 

The sound of the door chime echoes within the confined space and this seems to prompt Minami to say, "I need to make an impromptu delivery. Watch the store for me?" He disappears behind the shelf just as Len emerges. 

"You haven't been taking my calls." Len doesn't seem to be in the mood to beat around the bush. 

So Ryotarou chooses to be straightforward and says, "I was worried I might say things I'll regret after."

"Your parents called me," Len says as he approaches Ryotarou in careful, measured steps. "They sound really worried. Your mother says you haven't been coming home."

"Been staying at the college dormitory with a friend," is all Ryotarou offers as an explanation then his fingers start skipping across the piano keys once more. 

Len hugs him from behind, arms loosely coiling around his neck. "Talk to me. Please."

Abandoning the piece he has started playing, Ryotarou swivels on his seat to face Len, planting his hands on Len's hips. "Look Len. I love you. I honestly do. But I don't want to force you into this relationship if you will come to regret choosing to be with me somewhere along the way."

"I don't. I won't." Len's quick to interject. He rests his forehead against Ryotarou's. "I don't regret it. I'm sorry if I sounded like I did back then. I… I love you, too," then his lips descends on Ryotarou's, initiating the kiss for the first time.

Just as Ryotarou is about to deepen the kiss, Len rips his lips off of his, takes a step back, his hand pressed against his abdomen. "I," he starts, eyes scanning the room and then he's rushing over to the nearby trash can and starts heaving into it but nothing seems to come out of his mouth. 

Ryotarou rushes over to his boyfriend and starts stroking his back, asking, "Are you okay? Are you feeling sick?"

When Len seems to give up with his futile attempt to empty the contents of his stomach, he straightens up and is about to turn, but then collapses right into Ryotarou's arms. 

"Len!" 

 

*

 

tbc

  



	4. Chapter 4

  


His chest stings like shit, his throat burns and his mouth feels so dry. Just as he thinks that the torture is over, he feels his abdominal muscles contract, pushing, forcing whatever it can out of him. Regardless of how much he tries to fight it, Len can't help but heave. 

The toilet bowl has become his friend for the past four days. Every morning – and sometimes in the afternoon – he'll just feel so sick that he empties the contents of his stomach, hurling and retching until there's nothing left but air. 

"Len?" his mother says and he cringes because he knows she's just behind him. "How long have you been like this?"

"Probably something I ate," Len says, wiping his lips with his finger.

"That's not what I asked." His mother is watching him with concern pooling in her gentle amber eyes. "Oh Len, I don't know how else to ask this so forgive me if I have to be blunt. Are you and Ryo, by any chance, sexually active?"

The question hits him like an arrow shot straight through his chest. "Mom!" There is just no way… he is so not going to talk about his sex life with his mother. No freaking way.

"Answer me, Len. This is important." There is a hint of urgency in her voice and her face is now marred with worry lines. When Len doesn't respond, she sighs and says, "Look Len, I don't really mind if you are. I was a teenager once too, you know, so I understand. The reason why I'm asking is because you might be forgetting that you are a carrier and disregard using protection."

Reality slaps him across his face. That is something he didn't take into consideration because… "Didn't I have the surgery when I was fifteen?"

His mother shakes her head. "Did you forget that you opted NOT to have the carrier womb removed because of certain risks? So you went with the doctor's advice and just had the reproductive tubes blocked. And the doctor did warn you that the procedure may not be one hundred percent effective."

_Shit._ How can he forget these important facts? "I uh…" Len sends a silent prayer to whatever deity is listening. _Please, please, please. Let it not be the case._

"Oh Len." His mother gathers him in her arms and he suddenly feels like a child. "You've been showing symptoms of pregnancy. I suggest that you take the test, just to make sure, okay?" 

Len nods in acquiescence despite his thoughts flying off to different directions, all echoing the same thing. _I can't be pregnant. I can't be. I can't be._

 

*

 

It takes another two days before he follows his mother's advice. And now he's staring at five different pregnancy test sticks all telling him that he's pregnant. _PREGNANT!_

There's a light knock on the bathroom door and Len hesitates before opening, already expecting to see his mother behind it.

"Well?" she asks, a mixture of anxiousness and eagerness playing on her face. 

Despite his effort to keep a poker face, his thoughts might have translated into an expression that is easy enough for his mother to read. Her hands fly over to her mouth. "Oh Len," she says then throws her arms around him. "You mean, I'm going to be a grandmother?" 

There's hardly any trace of disappointment in her voice, which Len finds perplexing somehow. "That is hardly the reaction I expected." 

His mother releases him, straightens up and obviously schools her features as she clears her throat. "Well, honestly, I'm upset that you didn't even think of using protection. I expected you to be more responsible. But we can't change anything now, can we?" She hooks an arm around his. "You still need to see a doctor, just to make sure you and the baby are alright." So she sets up an appointment with an obstetrician she knows from recommendations and before Len knows it, she's dragging him to the doctor's clinic the next morning.

Len isn't particularly amused with how the doctor prods and pokes and peers into him then takes some blood and urine samples only to tell him what he already knows: That he is, for certain, carrying a child. Ryotarou's child. 

The thought makes him tremble. How in the world is he going to tell Ryotarou? Are they even ready to be parents? 

The doctor tells him she needs to do an ultrasound just to see how far along he is so she leads him and his mother to another room where he's instructed to lie down and unbutton his shirt and pants. While the doctor waits for someone else to prepare the machine, Len decides to drop the rhetorical question that's been burning in his head. "What are my options? Can I choose not to keep the baby?"

Though the mask of professionalism never leaves her, the doctor does show a hint of concern when she says, "You must have valid reasons first for it to be legal, like if the pregnancy is an endangerment to your life or health, if it's a product of a sexual crime, and so on. There are several ways and procedures, but all of which comes with a risk, especially for male carriers." Think about it first. For now, why don't we take a look at the life growing inside you?"

Her last words seem to have been thrown at him as a deliberate nudge at his conscience. The doctor then applies cold gel on his tummy, runs some sort of instrument over the area, and is soon pointing at a white fuzzy odd shape on the monitor claiming it's the fetus. "It appears you're four weeks along," she says.

_Four weeks._ That means this baby was conceived before or after the music festival.

As soon as they're done and he's back on his feet, his phone rings. It's Ryotarou calling to tell him that his parents are inviting him for lunch. 

_Now what._

 

*

 

Ryotarou is pacing in front of their house when a familiar car stops right in front of him.

Misa lowers the window to greet him just as Len slides out of the passenger side. "Call me if you want me to pick you up," Misa calls after Len.

First thing Ryotarou notices is that his boyfriend is white as a sheet. "Are you okay?" he asks, remembering how Len collapsed in his arms four days ago. Len has claimed he was feeling a bit under the weather but Ryotarou worries that it may be something that needs serious attention. 

"Yeah," Len says just as his mother and her transcendental timing disrupts them. She beckons them inside where a spread is actually waiting for them on the dining table.

Lunch is relatively normal with his mother talking mostly about her piano students and his dad talking about soccer and both of them asking Len about his classes in Vienna to which Len spouts out pre-programmed response like he's some kind of robot.

Len barely touches his food and Ryotarou thinks it may be due to discomfort since the air around them seems so tight. 

Once lunch is over, his mother brings out some fruit slices and as soon as she settles back on her seat, she starts with, "I guess there's no point in beating around the bush now so I'm going to be straightforward," then she clears her throat. "Are you two sexually active?"

Ryotarou's glad he has listened to his instinct and decides against popping a piece of orange into his mouth, otherwise, he may have choked. "What? Why are you asking that?"

His mother's lips thin and she sighs as if she's thinking how dumb Ryotarou is for not understanding. "This isn't simply out of curiosity, Ryo. We just want to be sure you're being responsible enough to use protection. Who receives, if I may ask?"

_This is crazy!_ There is no way he's going to talk to his parents about sex in front of Len. But then Len's speaking, says, "I do," and Ryotarou almost falls off his chair.

A wide smile slides on his mother's lips though when she mutters, "Figures," then leans over and props up with her elbow on the table. "Are you a carrier, Len?"

_What the—?_ This is beyond being inquisitive. This is… this is—

"Yes, I am," Len says and even meets his mother's gaze. 

"You are?" Ryotarou blurts out, heart on his throat. It's something he never even thought of asking Len. He tunes out his parents, who both have started giving lectures about birth control and whatnot and stares at Len who remains impassive throughout the discussion.

When they're finally in the privacy of his bedroom, Ryotarou says, "Why didn't you tell me you're a carrier?"

Len still won't meet his eyes. "I had surgery when I was fifteen, thought it was effective enough to prevent me from ever getting pregnant. But…."

"But?" Somehow, Ryotarou thinks he shouldn't ask. 

"Apparently, it failed."

"How so?" Ryotarou can feel his heart climbing up his throat again.

Len lifts his head and finally, finally meets his gaze, his eyes wavering with emotions that Ryotarou can't identify. But when Len says, "I'm pregnant," Ryotarou feels his brain suddenly shuts down. 

"You're what?" His mind is trying to process what he's heard.

"I'm with child. Your child. But…" Len tears his eyes away from him again, somehow finding the patterns on his bed sheet interesting. "I'm still not sure if I'll keep the baby."

Ryotarou's thought process screeches to a grinding halt. Wait. Pause. Rewind. "What did you say?" Len barely opens his mouth when Ryotarou grabs both his arms, says, "Don't you think I should have a say on this since I'm the father?" 

"I…" Confusion swirls on the surface of Len's eyes when he looks up at him. "Are we even ready to become parents, Ryo?"

"No, but we're talking about a life here. This isn't some toy you can just get rid off because you're not ready to own it," he says, feeling like his chest is about to explode. "Please, Len. Don't make rash decisions. Let's talk about this."

Len looks like a lost puppy now. "But… but I have to return to Vienna soon. With this baby I…"

_Shit. Vienna._ Ryotarou has almost forgotten about it. Feeling just as lost, he clings onto Len, gathers him in his arms and says, "We'll figure it out," sending a quick prayer to whatever deity is listening that he will have the power to do just that.

 

*

 

Something cold touches his cheek and Ryotarou looks up to find his mother offering him a bowl of ice cream. 

"Looks like your mind is traveling to faraway places," she says, sinking next to him on the couch. She doesn't say anything else, just pushes a spoonful of ice cream into her mouth and hums. 

Ryotarou feels like his head is about to crack from thinking too much so he says, "Mom," hoping that talking to his mother will ease the burden somehow. "About what you said earlier, about birth control and all? It was good advice but I'm afraid it came a little late."

"Is Len pregnant?" she asks, eyes warm and tender, not judgmental or antipathetic. Ryotarou can only nod in response, afraid that his voice might fail him. "Are you ready to become a father?"

The question doesn't throw him off because he knows it's something his mother is likely to ask. "I don't think so," he says, in all honesty, "But there's so much in life that I've been forced to face even when I haven't been ready for it, like the concours. So having a baby is a challenge I’m most willing to take."

"And what does Len think?" 

The picture perfect family he starts painting in his head suddenly shatters. "He's not sure if he'll have the baby."

His mother releases a long, heavy sigh. She places her bowl on the table and shifts to face him, fingers brushing through his hair. "Oh Ryo. Talk to Len. Don't just try to talk some sense into him. Listen first, and then try to meet him halfway. Tell him how you feel about him. He needs to feel secure, Ryo, not threatened or forced."

That's not really something he expects to hear from his mother, considering she almost had a breakdown weeks ago when she found out he was dating Len. "Are you okay with this? I mean not just the fact that Len and I are a couple, but we're having a baby?"

His mother casts him a warm and tender gaze. "Your father and I realized that the most important thing is that you find someone who you will be happy with, regardless of the gender. And we were worried we won't get any grandchildren from you, that's why I asked Len if he's a carrier, not knowing he's already carrying your child."

"Yeah. Surprise, surprise." It comes out sounding sarcastic somehow so he's not surprised when he's rewarded with a smack at the back of his head.

"Idiot. Are you just going to sit here and wallow in your misery?" His mother starts pushing him off the couch. "Go and see Len now, don't wait another minute."

So Ryotarou leaves, already formulating ways to convince Len to keep the baby and maybe consider building a life – a future – with him in his head.

 

*

 

tbc

  



	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- Finally reached the end of this part of the story. And regardless if no one reads it, I'm going to write more RyoLen fics. I will forever ship them even if it means I have to sail out on my own.

  


Len stares at the blurry image of the fetus growing inside him, his heart heavy with emotions. There's a light knock on the door, and he says, "Come in," unconsciously, mind drawn to the picture in his hand.

His mother's voice breaks through his reverie when she says, "You know I'm here for you if you need someone to talk to, right?" then he feels his mother sink next to him at the edge of his bed. 

"I just…" He runs his fingers through his hair. "I'm confused. I know the right move is to not have the baby because it will be a hindrance to my dream. But… but there's a part of me that wants to keep this child, the inane and foolish part that also thinks having a family with Ryo doesn't sound so bad at all."

A warm hand is pressed against his back. "Len. Sometimes it helps if you listen to both your heart and your mind when making decisions that may have an impact on your future and your life. Sometimes it also helps if you leave it to fate." 

His mother's advice sounds like a riddle that leaves him more confused but he says, "Thanks, mother," nonetheless, just to dismiss the conversation because he spies Ryotarou standing by his bedroom doorway. 

Ryotarou clears his throat which draws his mother's gaze to him as a result. "Am I interrupting?" he asks, looking rather timid.

"Of course not," his mother says as she springs up on her feet and ambles over to Ryotarou. "We were just talking about you. Why don't you come in? And I hope you're staying for dinner. I'm trying out this new recipe a friend shared with me."

"Oh." Ryotarou rubs the back of his neck. "Well, I guess I am staying for dinner. Unless Len kicks me out."

His mother huffs out a laugh, says, "I’m sure he won't," then turns to him and mouths, _'Talk.'_

An awkward air settles around them as soon as his mother closes the door. They stare at each other wordlessly until Ryotarou speaks, says, "I… I don't really know what to say to convince you to keep the baby so…," looking utterly defeated.

Len's heart melts at the sight. He pats the spot next to him in silent invitation but Ryotarou kneels in front of him instead. He hands him the picture, says, "It's my first ultrasound. Doctor says I'm four weeks along," and watches the different emotions that play on Ryotarou's face. 

"Len I…" Ryotarou starts but Len presses a finger on his lips.

"I do want to keep the baby. I just don't know what to do with Vienna yet," Len says, hoping it's a decision he doesn't come to regret. 

Ryotarou cups his cheek with his hand. "Vienna will always be there, Len. You can always go back after having the baby. Life doesn't need to stop because something happens that isn't part of your plan."

With a glimpse of what his future can possibly be floating in his head, Len says, "I doubt I'll be able to focus on my studies if I bring the baby along. And if I opt to leave him here with you, I doubt I'll be able to stand being separated from him."

The corners of Ryotarou's mouth curls up. "Why don't we take one step at a time, reconstruct our plans for the future as we go?" he says then takes a seat next to Len, collects Len in his arms and presses his forehead against the side of Len's head. "I love you."

Somehow, the burden he's been nursing in his chest eases up. Len believes – needs to believe – that the obstacles in his path will eventually be lifted.

 

*

 

The plan to return to Vienna suddenly becomes a blur and Len ends up calling the school administration to officially withdraw from his classes for the rest of the semester. Whether he will still go back remains a question. 

Two weeks roll by and his mother decides it's time for her and his father to meet Ryotarou's parents, so she invites them over for dinner that weekend. 

As soon as Ryotarou arrives with his family, including his older sister who Len hasn't met, Len realizes how real their situation is. No one asks what their plans are though, just talks about mundane things over dinner. 

When they start talking about the baby, Len wishes they would've stuck with music as the subject of dinner conversation. Strangely, Ryotarou is quiet throughout the whole ordeal, occasionally throwing furtive glances his way.

After their meal, their families migrate to the living room while Ryotarou asks if he and Len can go out and get some air, which Len translates as Ryotarou wanting to speak with him alone. So Len leads him out to the back garden and they haven’t gone far when Ryotarou grabs his hand, forcing him to still and glance up at his boyfriend whose olive hair glistens under the outdoor lights. 

"Do you want to get married?" Ryotarou blurts out then he winces and runs a hand over his face. "That wasn't how I was supposed to say it. But I've been going crazy trying to find the right words."

To say he's taken aback will be an understatement. Even though Len has had this gut feeling that things may lead to this, he's still not prepared to give an answer so he ends up saying, "I don't think we should rush into something as serious as marriage just because we're having a baby."

Ryotarou takes his other hand and closes the distance between them, his forehead resting against his. "I know, Len. But I've been thinking about it and it's not just because we're having a baby. It's… it's you I want to spend the rest of my life with. I can't imagine a future without you by my side."

Something blossoms in his chest and Len feels weak in the knees, cliché as it may sound. He loves Ryotarou, that's not even something he doubts anymore. And it will be nice to wake up every morning with Ryotarou beside him, morning breath and all. This baby may have come early and unplanned but if he is to be honest, the idea of raising children with Ryotarou is starting to sound rather appealing. 

Len mentally shakes himself. What is he thinking? It's unlike him to make imprudent decisions when it concerns relationships. Even with Kahoko, he hesitated. He lifts his hand, touches Ryotarou's cheek and says, "Give me time to think about it, okay?"

"Sure. Of course." Ryotarou angles his head then plants a kiss on Len's palm. "Take all the time you need."

 

*

 

It's a week later that Ryotarou finds himself roaming around the shopping district and stops in front of a jewelry store to stare at the rings on display – engagement and wedding rings, to be specific.

Len is becoming more and more open to the idea of wedded bliss lately so Ryotarou is thinking of proposing soon. He has saved enough of what he has earned from his performances at several concerts so he knows he can afford to buy Len a ring.

Funny how when he's just thinking of inviting their common friends to stand witness at their union that fate decides to throw Hihara Kazuki onto his path – literally. His former senpai collides against him, a red scarf clutched in his hand.

"Oh. Tsuchiura, it's you!" Hihara says, eyes sparkling. "Sorry uh… I was trying to catch Hino's scarf. It got blown by the wind."

As if on cue, Kahoko comes running towards them and they explain how they ran into each other on the train and have decided to grab some milk shakes and pastries while they catch up. "Why don't you join us, Tsuchiura-kun?" 

So that's how he ends up sitting outside a café with his friends and gets interrogated by Hihara who bluntly asks why he's checking out jewelries.

Ryotarou decides to drop the bomb then, so to speak, so he says, "I was actually looking at engagement rings," then clears his throat when he notices they're staring at him as if he's grown horns. "I uh… I'm going to ask Len to marry me."

Kahoko drops her fork. "Len? As in Tsukimori Len?"

Hihara places his glass of milkshake back on the table slowly and with caution, says, "What have you two been doing this past year?" to which Ryotarou laughs then explains the whole situation and in the end, he gets mixed reactions from his two friends.

"Wow," Hihara says, shaking his head. "Yunoki did say he sensed something between you two, but I never expected things to happen this fast."

Kahoko only stares at him with her eyes wide and mouth hanging open.

Ryotarou is struck with guilt so he says, "Hino. I know you and Len dated and I hope you don't think I took advantage of—"

But then she starts laughing, arm pressed against her tummy. "Oh no, no. I don't think that at all," she says, waving a hand in front of him. "It's just that when Tsukimori-kun and I were dating, I always notice his eyes straying over to you whenever you were around. Call me fujoshi all you want, but I always wondered if he was interested in you _that_ way and if… what if you two ended up together and now you're telling us he's pregnant with your child and that you're planning to ask for his hand in marriage. I never thought I had such insight like Yunoki-san." She beams at him. " I'm happy for both of you. Just don't forget to invite me to the wedding, okay."

"Of course. Thanks, Hino." Ryotarou receives a text message from Misa – her response to his earlier inquiry about the size of Len's finger. He returns to the jeweler with Hihara and Kahoko and they help him pick out a pair of simple white gold band with a symbol of infinity engraved around it. 

Perhaps this chance meeting with their friends is what Ryotarou exactly needs to gain the confidence he needs to spring the question on Len.

 

*

 

Ryotarou asks Len to marry him, Len agrees and they get married in spring with the cherry blossom petals falling around them. The end.

If only things can happen that way – straightforward, simple and doesn't involve any grand gesture that can potentially complicate things for him.

This is Kahoko's idea, to which Kaji agrees and Hihara backs it up then drags Shimizu and Fuyumi along with this plan, not to mention Len's and his parents are involved as well. 

So there he is with his friends, equipped with their respective instruments, Ryotarou though has to settle with an electronic keyboard because dragging a baby grand piano in the middle of the park is out of the question.

Once Len emerges from the winding path and into the clearing with his mother, he meets Ryotarou's eyes, the skin between his eyebrows wrinkling. 

Ryotarou gives the cue then he and his friends start playing the intro to Tchaikovsky Melodie, his fingers feeling stiff against the keys. They are clearly attracting other people's attention and as soon as they're halfway through the piece, a small crowd has gathered around them. If Len rejects him in front of all these people, he can say goodbye to his self-confidence.

Once the ensemble is done with the piece, Ryotarou walks up to Len, his legs feeling like rubber with every step he takes. 

"Len," he starts and he can feel every nerve in his body thrum with anxiety. "We've talked about this and I know you prefer to wait, but…," he says, deciding to forego getting on one knee like Kahoko has suggested, thinks they've done enough clichés in this lifetime so he thrust his hand in his coat pocket. He hears a sharp intake of breath from Len as soon as he pulls out the small velvet-covered box. 

Ryotarou clears his throat, his hands trembling as he flips the lid open. "I also told you that I don't want to imagine a future without you by my side. So…" Keeping his gaze locked with Len's is a feat on its own, but he dare not blink, dare not look away when he says, "Will you share a bed, a room, a house, a family, a life, a future with me?"

Len's eyes fall on the rings, eyebrows pinched. Then he looks up at Ryo with an unreadable expression and says, "You could have just asked me to marry you in a straightforward way, you know." 

Vague. So vague that Ryotarou can't understand what Len exactly means so he tiptoes around Len, figuratively, and asks, "So is that a yes?" 

An _Of-course-it-does-idiot-I-love-you-you-know-that-right_ smile slides on Len's lips. His head moves ever slightly in a nod then he reaches out and hooks his hand behind Ryotarou's neck. Ryotarou feels the sharp tug that brings his face closer to Len's. Their lips meet in a soft kiss that may have lasted longer but the clearing of throats and catcalls remind Ryotarou that they're in a public place with Len's mother watching and probably his own parents hiding behind a bush somewhere, possibly filming this scenario.

Ryotarou pulls away and plucks the ring off the box – the one that has his name engraved on the inside – then he slides it into Len's ring finger, marveling at how perfect it looks on Len's hand. 

Len takes the other ring, says, "It might seem too soon, but mother suggests we hold the wedding in spring," as he slides the glittering symbol of their union into his finger and Ryotarou wonders if the same idea has been brewing in Len's mind all this time. "With just friends and family. Unless… unless you want to wait until the baby comes—"

"Spring sounds perfect." Ryotarou knows that life isn't a fairy tale, that they may face rough, bumpy roads ahead. But. With Len, Ryotarou can only hope not just to share a bed covered in satin sheets and rose petals, but also to share whatever burden life decides to throw at them.

 

_Owari_

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I originally had the idea of having that proposal scene be done in a more private setting, but I've been watching videos of public marriage proposals using dance flash mobs in Japan (like this - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dhBkWdeLHFQ). Then I came across an orchestra flash mob but it's more of just a performance and not for marriage proposal purposes, so I thought what if it turns into one... so there you go. Probably the silliest idea to grace this fandom.


End file.
